Conner's heart

When the pediatrician came to check on Conner for the first time the day after he was born she told us that she could hear a little bit of a heart murmur and wanted to get an ultrasound of his heart before he left the hospital to make sure it wasn't anything serious. She said she was pretty sure it was nothing, she just wanted to be sure before she sent him home. After the ultrasound she told us that he has a vsd. She said it was the most common heart defect in newborns and more often than not they close up on their own and she wanted us to follow up with a cardiologist in a few weeks.

I honestly didn't think about it too much. When we took him to his pediatrician for his first check up he said pretty much the same thing. It will most likely close up on its own. So when we took him to the cardiologist I was sure that he was going to tell us the same thing.

They did another echo and then we went back to the room and waited for the doctor. When he came in he started asking us a bunch of questions. Did we have a level 2 ultrasound when I was pregnant. Was he premature. Does anyone in either of our families have any heart problems. Have we noticed Conner having any trouble breathing. Is he losing weight. What have we been told so far about his heart.

I was really confused. He wasn't premature. He was 10 and a half pounds when he was born and gaining weight like none other. I hadn't noticed him having any problems breathing. And so far everyone was telling us that it was pretty normal and it would close up on its own.

The doctor told us that the hole was bigger than they thought and that there's a really good chance that Conner is going to need open heart surgery to fix it.

I definitely took it a lot better than I thought I would. It's really scary finding out that your son might have to have open heart surgery, but I know that everything is going to be okay.

Ramblings

I'm a stay at home mom. Which means I don't have many adult conversations during my day. I noticed that when I do talk to adults I have a hard time formulating sophisticated sentences. So I decided that whenever I get a chance and I have something I want to talk about, other than dirty diapers and what sound a dog makes, I'll type it out on here. Maybe I can get better at turning my thoughts into sentences...eventually.

So here it goes.....

Middle school and high school I counted down the days till Christmas break or till the end of the year. I counted down the days till my next birthday. Turning 12 meant going in to Young Womens. 13 meant I would finally be a teenager. 14 meant I could go to all the Stake and Regional dances. Then I counted down the days till I could get my driver's permit. Then finally I was 16 and I could start dating and get my licence. Then I was a junior in high school and I couldn't wait to be a senior. Then I was a senior and I was counting down the days till graduation.

I felt like during that time I never really lived in the moment...I was always counting down the days to the next big thing. I always told myself, "Things are going to be so much better when ....". But did my life magically become more awesome when I was finally able to go to Regional dances? No. Was I suddenly 65% more cool just because I had my license? Nope.

I wish that I would have been "in the moment" more, not just constantly, impatiently waiting for something.

Even when I was in college, the main thing I was waiting for, I counted down the days. I was a little better by then though. I tried to enjoy it as much as I could. I didn't have so much of that "I can't wait till this is over" attitude.

There were some cases when I did very much enjoy the counting though. I counted down the days till Tome came home. I counted down the days till our wedding day. I counted down the days till Owen was born. I counted down the days till Conner was born. But I feel like I have definitely, finally learned to be in the moment. To be happy now. To not just sit and wait for things to get better.

Being a mom to 2...

I was pretty nervous the whole time I was pregnant with Conner about what it was going to be like to have two kids, especially so close together. I kind of just planned for the worst but hoped for the best, but it's not as hard as I thought it was going to be.

There are moments when it gets pretty rough though.

Sometimes they need to eat at the same time or they both are in desperate need of diaper changes. And my least favorite part is when they're both screaming and I have to decide which one to take care of first. Definitely not a fan of that one.

But I absolutely love being a mom. It's my dream job and I couldn't imagine doing anything else.